NERDS!!!! ::angry fist shake::
I went to my favorite tap room last night after work, looking forward to a relaxing sit by the window with a book and a beer, only to find it MOBBED. By nerds. There was an open source con going on, and they all came to MY FREAKING BAR afterwards. I saw this guy, Michael, who I’d dated for a bit a couple of months ago, standing outside and went up to chat. He’s big in the local OS community, and was at the conference giving a talk. He’d been the one to suggest Baileys as an afterhours place for them to geek out. Normally this would be fun, but I was in a mood and just wanted to chill and read my book. So I went inside, found a dark corner, and tried to look moody and uninviting. It worked, though a few nerds came up and tried to make conversation. They were easily repulsed by a vapid stare and some hair twirling, and for the most part I had my peace.
As I was leaving, after the place closed, I stopped by a large group of them who were still sitting at the outdoor tables and told them the bar was closed and they should head out so the bartender could go home (they’ve hired me as their unofficial bouncer at this place, to make people leave. I’m really quite good at it. Nice but firm, unlike the bartender, who is a total softy. They pay me in free beer…). My ex-“friend” was out there, and we ended up chatting for a while out on the sidewalk. He was surrounded by a group of the hardestcore nerds I’ve been around in a while. Man, open source nerds are a species into and of themselves. One of the guys was British, with long frizzy died blond hair, and by default the “coolest” of them. He was also the most obnoxiously loud of them, with a love of name dropping and stupid self involved stories (< <). He kept interrupting my conversation with Michael, at one point to compliment me on my appearance by asking, in a smarmy, drunken British accent “Would it be terribly rude of me to say that your look, your style, and your cleavage, are really the nicest I’ve seen in a long time???” ::simper::.
“Yeah, actually it would be. Rude, that is. I’m in the middle of a conversation”.
::awkward silence, crickets chirping, nerds squirming at this insult to their leader::
“Oh, HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! You’re TOO funny, my dear!!! I like you!” ::slavishly adoring look::
::me with narrowed eyes and a sudden knowledge that this guy most likely enjoys spankings:: “Riiiight…”
And, of course, within minutes, details of his “Poly Harem” and love of ball gags are being loudly discussed in his corner. What is it about nerds, that they’ll worship the loudest, most obnoxious asshole douchebags, just because they’re getting some? So, this smarmy British dude asks me to come to the bar next door with them, and just as I’m about to answer (and say no), an elderly homeless lady comes up very close to us and asks for change. I say “No, I’m sorry; I don’t have any on me, but good luck”. Asshole says “No, I don’t. You’ve asked us 3 times, and we don’t have any change for you!” loudly. She says sorry, but then goes over to the other guys, asking for change. He follows her, pushing me out of the way, saying over her pleas “I said we don’t have any change for you! Now go away!” She was saying, over and over, “Sorry, Sir. Sorry”, in the most pathetic way imaginable, and I saw red. I put my hand out and slapped it on his chest, pushing him back away from both her and me, and say “You’re a fucking douchebag. Don’t you think her life is difficult enough without some asshole like you coming along and making it harder by being so fucking disrespectful, leaving her no fucking dignity???”
The homeless lady scurried away, and this guy, to his credit, turned bright red in embarrassment and mumbled apologies in obvious contrition.
I immediately got embarrassed and turned a bit red myself, because I hate over reacting to stuff like that. It would have been sufficient, and less cruel, to have told him to leave her alone in a nicer way. Everybody shuffled their feet in awkward unhappiness, and I just walked away, saying I was going home.
Michael followed me, and ended up asking me to come home with him to wait in bed with him for his girlfriend. Who happens to be the 21 year old red headed stripper I’d decided weeks ago was too young and dumb for me to pursue anything with. When I told him she’s not my type, he asked why. “Because she’s a bubble headed moron with more ass than brains” was what I wanted to say, but I settled for “She’s way too young for me. Just not my type”. To which he replied “Oh, she’s not my type either. Except, well, she is. I mean, once you get to know her she’s really very… very nice”.
I’m now officially not that into overt nerds anymore. I swear, the more someone looks the stereotypical nerd part, the more likely they are to be a slavering, creepy, asshole-ish douche.
As I was leaving, after the place closed, I stopped by a large group of them who were still sitting at the outdoor tables and told them the bar was closed and they should head out so the bartender could go home (they’ve hired me as their unofficial bouncer at this place, to make people leave. I’m really quite good at it. Nice but firm, unlike the bartender, who is a total softy. They pay me in free beer…). My ex-“friend” was out there, and we ended up chatting for a while out on the sidewalk. He was surrounded by a group of the hardestcore nerds I’ve been around in a while. Man, open source nerds are a species into and of themselves. One of the guys was British, with long frizzy died blond hair, and by default the “coolest” of them. He was also the most obnoxiously loud of them, with a love of name dropping and stupid self involved stories (< <). He kept interrupting my conversation with Michael, at one point to compliment me on my appearance by asking, in a smarmy, drunken British accent “Would it be terribly rude of me to say that your look, your style, and your cleavage, are really the nicest I’ve seen in a long time???” ::simper::.
“Yeah, actually it would be. Rude, that is. I’m in the middle of a conversation”.
::awkward silence, crickets chirping, nerds squirming at this insult to their leader::
“Oh, HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! You’re TOO funny, my dear!!! I like you!” ::slavishly adoring look::
::me with narrowed eyes and a sudden knowledge that this guy most likely enjoys spankings:: “Riiiight…”
And, of course, within minutes, details of his “Poly Harem” and love of ball gags are being loudly discussed in his corner. What is it about nerds, that they’ll worship the loudest, most obnoxious asshole douchebags, just because they’re getting some? So, this smarmy British dude asks me to come to the bar next door with them, and just as I’m about to answer (and say no), an elderly homeless lady comes up very close to us and asks for change. I say “No, I’m sorry; I don’t have any on me, but good luck”. Asshole says “No, I don’t. You’ve asked us 3 times, and we don’t have any change for you!” loudly. She says sorry, but then goes over to the other guys, asking for change. He follows her, pushing me out of the way, saying over her pleas “I said we don’t have any change for you! Now go away!” She was saying, over and over, “Sorry, Sir. Sorry”, in the most pathetic way imaginable, and I saw red. I put my hand out and slapped it on his chest, pushing him back away from both her and me, and say “You’re a fucking douchebag. Don’t you think her life is difficult enough without some asshole like you coming along and making it harder by being so fucking disrespectful, leaving her no fucking dignity???”
The homeless lady scurried away, and this guy, to his credit, turned bright red in embarrassment and mumbled apologies in obvious contrition.
I immediately got embarrassed and turned a bit red myself, because I hate over reacting to stuff like that. It would have been sufficient, and less cruel, to have told him to leave her alone in a nicer way. Everybody shuffled their feet in awkward unhappiness, and I just walked away, saying I was going home.
Michael followed me, and ended up asking me to come home with him to wait in bed with him for his girlfriend. Who happens to be the 21 year old red headed stripper I’d decided weeks ago was too young and dumb for me to pursue anything with. When I told him she’s not my type, he asked why. “Because she’s a bubble headed moron with more ass than brains” was what I wanted to say, but I settled for “She’s way too young for me. Just not my type”. To which he replied “Oh, she’s not my type either. Except, well, she is. I mean, once you get to know her she’s really very… very nice”.
I’m now officially not that into overt nerds anymore. I swear, the more someone looks the stereotypical nerd part, the more likely they are to be a slavering, creepy, asshole-ish douche.
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