Barf

I have been taking myself WAY TOO FUCKING SERIOUSLY lately. Good lord. You can't even tell how seriously I take myself, because I don't normally write when I'm doing it. That's because I'm ashamed of how ridiculously whiny, maudlin, and god damn serious I get when I'm taking myself too fucking seriously. Ugh. It makes me want to bitch slap me.

Not a good idea, by the way. Bitch slapping yourself leads to fighting yourself, and since it's a fairly even match, it goes on way too long and you end up in the hospital with bruises and broken bones that are really hard to explain. Then your current lover gets called in and looked at askance by hospital personnel, and you get lectured by uptight, judgmental women who've never known a day of hardship in their life about how your body belongs to you, and how you can make decisions that don't lead to having abusive men in your life if only you tried hard enough. Thank you, church lady. You've helped me see the light. Now if only I could go back in time and be raised by passive aggressive, angry white people in a peaceful suburban enclave and taught how to snag a man who doesn't beat me, just requires me to keep on being the dried up old before my time sexless slave to popular opinion I was taught to be from my youth.

That's never actually happened to me. I'm pretty sure I was an abused minority in some other life, though, because I get awfully angry at the thought of being lectured by sanctimonious bitches.