Dry spell officially BROKEN. Woohoo!!
However... 5 dates in 3 days, and I ended up sleeping with my emotionally fucked up fuckbuddy, which is depressing. I had a chance to blow him off (hehe) and play with the couple I had a date with on Saturday morning. Which I should have done. They were adorable, and we would have had a lot of fun.
But no. I honestly thought I would go over his house and have a conversation redefining our boundaries and confirming that we are, indeed, just friends who fuck each other. In fact, with the way he treats me, we're actually more aquaintances who fuck each other than friends.
I should have known better. I was halfway naked and riding his cock within 15 minutes. I DON'T GET IT. I mean, I do, in some ways. He's cute, I was intensely frustrated, and we have fun together. But it's getting more and more awkward, mostly because I can't fucking let go when there's this emotional cleaver waiting to fall on my head. I feel guilty about the idea that he's in love and I'm not, yet I get angry at the knowledge that while he may very well be in love, it's a very selfish sort of love. He doesn't want to date ME. He wants to date. He keeps bringing up children and marriage. Srsly. CHILDREN AND FUCKING MARRIAGE. But he doesn't want to date me. But he wants to marry me. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Ok. I'm done. I'm not surprised, I'm not baffled, I'm not going to try and figure this shit out. Every time I try and talk to him about it, he distracts me with his dick. So be it. He's making that decision, and the only one I can make is whether or not to see him again. Which I'm still not sure about.
Anyways. After going to see a movie with him (The Fighter... fucking AWESOME movie), I was hyper and wanted to go dancing. Instead, I met T at Baileys for a beer. Which was fun. We sat at the bar and watched the pretty people, talking shit about girls we'd fuck and giggling (well, I was giggling) at the douchy boys they were with.
And then we had sex this morning for the first time in a while. Week and a half, maybe. Felt like longer.
Part of my problem lately is that, once you start getting what you really need and like, it's hard to go back to trying to create what you really need and like. Especially when you're working with new, unknown variables. With T, it's always fucking amazing. Because we have very, very similar needs. I've come (hehehe) to accept how much I love rough, fun, athletic sex. How much I enjoy being able to be needy, and loud, and, well... tied up. :D
BUT, he can not, will not, and should not be my primary partner. Down that road lies emotional disturbances the likes of which neither of us need. We've had this conversation many times, reiterating what we are to each other. And I'm fucking insanely grateful that we can do that. But it doesn't make finding new partners who are as sexually satisfying any easier. My partners who can keep up with, and sometimes surpase :D, me otherwise are way too fucking far away for me.
Ah well. Nothing can make me cranky right now. There are too many endorphins coursing through my system at the moment. ::happy sigh::
However... 5 dates in 3 days, and I ended up sleeping with my emotionally fucked up fuckbuddy, which is depressing. I had a chance to blow him off (hehe) and play with the couple I had a date with on Saturday morning. Which I should have done. They were adorable, and we would have had a lot of fun.
But no. I honestly thought I would go over his house and have a conversation redefining our boundaries and confirming that we are, indeed, just friends who fuck each other. In fact, with the way he treats me, we're actually more aquaintances who fuck each other than friends.
I should have known better. I was halfway naked and riding his cock within 15 minutes. I DON'T GET IT. I mean, I do, in some ways. He's cute, I was intensely frustrated, and we have fun together. But it's getting more and more awkward, mostly because I can't fucking let go when there's this emotional cleaver waiting to fall on my head. I feel guilty about the idea that he's in love and I'm not, yet I get angry at the knowledge that while he may very well be in love, it's a very selfish sort of love. He doesn't want to date ME. He wants to date. He keeps bringing up children and marriage. Srsly. CHILDREN AND FUCKING MARRIAGE. But he doesn't want to date me. But he wants to marry me. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Ok. I'm done. I'm not surprised, I'm not baffled, I'm not going to try and figure this shit out. Every time I try and talk to him about it, he distracts me with his dick. So be it. He's making that decision, and the only one I can make is whether or not to see him again. Which I'm still not sure about.
Anyways. After going to see a movie with him (The Fighter... fucking AWESOME movie), I was hyper and wanted to go dancing. Instead, I met T at Baileys for a beer. Which was fun. We sat at the bar and watched the pretty people, talking shit about girls we'd fuck and giggling (well, I was giggling) at the douchy boys they were with.
And then we had sex this morning for the first time in a while. Week and a half, maybe. Felt like longer.
Part of my problem lately is that, once you start getting what you really need and like, it's hard to go back to trying to create what you really need and like. Especially when you're working with new, unknown variables. With T, it's always fucking amazing. Because we have very, very similar needs. I've come (hehehe) to accept how much I love rough, fun, athletic sex. How much I enjoy being able to be needy, and loud, and, well... tied up. :D
BUT, he can not, will not, and should not be my primary partner. Down that road lies emotional disturbances the likes of which neither of us need. We've had this conversation many times, reiterating what we are to each other. And I'm fucking insanely grateful that we can do that. But it doesn't make finding new partners who are as sexually satisfying any easier. My partners who can keep up with, and sometimes surpase :D, me otherwise are way too fucking far away for me.
Ah well. Nothing can make me cranky right now. There are too many endorphins coursing through my system at the moment. ::happy sigh::
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