Fuck

I'm avoiding going home in order to avoid dealing with drama. Doesn't this feel familiar.
I'm drinking too much to avoid dealing with drama. I'm spending too much, I'm eating too much...

I'm pretty much just being a giant fucking pussy, because I hate dealing with drama. Even when its drama I've created. I need to own up to my shit. It's not all me, but I certainly helped create the situation that leads to this shit.

Ugh. Ok. I need to go home and sleep next to someone who's probably not going to be talking to me, I get to deal with the cold shoulder for now, because I'm not allowed to push the issue for my own comfort. Lancing the boil works for me, but it doesn't work for everyone. And I have to just fucking deal with that.
As much as it sucks.
And it really fucking sucks. I hate the silent treatment more than almost anything. I hate cold politeness. This is why I have such a hard time with the idea of dating a woman, because this is how women react to shit.
"No no. I'm FINE. JUST FINE. I'm not talking to you because I have nothing to say, not because I fucking hate you right now..."

Ok, that's unfair. He probably doesn't hate me right now. He probably just can't talk to me without saying something irretrievably cruel. That's so much better.

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