Letting go

I should have known
Protestations aside, I've been waiting for this.
I couldn't find it on my own,
So I ate the cake, took the red pill,
drank the little bottle down.

And I lay on my back in the grass,
Staring up at a sky that had gone mad.
Stars pulsing in time with my heart,
flying across the velvet expanse,
cataclysmic explosions of color and light.

Gods, young and old,
writhing through the branches above me.
Laughing.
That sensation began to take over. You know the one.
Chug...chug...chugchugchug
The rollercoaster nearing the crest.

This is what I was waiting for.
Buyers remorse set in quickly, though.
As the cart topped the hill and began it's inevitable descent,
arms up, screaming more in fear than exhilaration,
I WANT OFF is all I could think.

The journey down through the rabbit hole...
colors bleeding into each other, thoughts made manifest,
hope lost and fear king.
I draw you around me like a security blanket,
a rock of reality to cling to in the sea of my subconscious.

But you're not enough.
And the ride has to continue.
So I give in, I give up, I let go
and I fall into the void I created.
I land on a rocking boat, and the journey truly begins.