Random Acts of Awesome

I wrote this out about 3 years ago. And I'm still struggling with it. That's annoying. But, this encapsulates a lot of what I've been thinking about lately, so I'm going to post it. As a child growing up in a very religious household, I was taught that the highest ideal was to strive to become the spiritual man. That the physical man was imperfect, and needed to be overcome. To dwell on physical things was to starve your spirituality and to open yourself up to the devil, who ruled the physical world. Dwelling on the higher things of things of life, such as God, his commandments, his story as told in the bible, and his one true religion, was the only way to become a spiritual creature worthy of his blessing. The beauty to be found in the world was considered worthy of consideration only in the sense that it uplifts our senses and causes us to praise the loving creator who provided it. Writing it out, it sounds like a beautiful way of living. To keep our thoughts lofty, ...

Do you ever have moments where you feel like a robot? Where day to day interactions with humans that you've done so often they should be as natural as breathing suddenly feel foreign and wrong? It's like that moment in dreams where you have to pee, you run to the bathroom, start to pee, and realize "OH GOD!! THIS IS WRONG!", and you wake up in a panic and run to the bathroom. It's just like that. Except there is no waking up and running to the bathroom. There is no relief. There is only the constant feeling of "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING AND WHY??". It's very strange. It's bad enough at this point that I actually questioned myself when I went to the bathroom at work. I sat down to pee and had that sharp, almost orgasmic moment of panic, wondering why I hadn't woken up yet. Stupid stories. That's what started this. Well, maybe not started it. But brought it to full fruition. Reading about the growth of sentient intelligence, about the growth...

I wrote this out over the weekend. When it was actually sunny, and not drizzly. NOT that I don't like the drizzle! Drizzle has its place in my pantheon of happy weather. But still... it was so wonderfully sunny... It is incredibly lovely out right now. I'm sitting in my backyard, which is strewn with the detrius of a profoundly fun night and which smells of woodsmoke and sun warmed root beer. The cress in my garden has gone to seed, and it's lovely. Giant, meaty green stalks topped with a fuzz of delicate yellow flowers that are sending the bees into a sensual tizzy. The willow is in a state of dishabille, just barely clothed with green, hints of her bark showing here and there when the wind blows just right. And I'm surrounded by the smell of new green things. My herb bed is starting to look lush, with everything scrambling to keep up with the mints. The fennel is asserting its majesty, growing taller than anything around it, and the chamomile is spreading, gentle and ...

There's a group of developmentally disabled adults that work down the street from my house and who get on the bus at around the same time I do. I see some of them more than others, but I've seen all of them often enough to get a sense of their personalities. There's one guy who can be kind of a dick. He's got severe anger managment issues, and I've seen him go off on people before in a way that makes me dislike him a little. Plus, he bullies this woman named Sonya, who I love. I'm not sure what she has, but she's in a wheelchair and has enough muscle control issues that it may be advanced MS. She's a hoot and a half. She has difficulty talking, but not communicating. We chat whenever we see each other, and she has got the sunniest, sweetest, feistiest grin. And she hates the fuck out of this guy. Those two have gotten into some epic battles on the bus. He's "higher functioning" than she is, and uses that to his full advantage, mocking her w...

I got coffee before work today with three friends, Jake, Nate, and Alex. As I was sitting outside of Starbucks, listening to them talking, I realized something. I was sitting with three incredibly handsome men. All of them, unconventionally hot. They all have long, pretty hair, handsome faces, great bodies... women react to all of them. And I was sitting there, chatting away, not really thinking about it. And I remembered being a teenager, and how intimidated I was by beauty. I did NOT understand women who could be casual around hot men. I turned into a gibbering wreck around people I found attractive, both men and women. I also avoided their company at all cost. Nobody likes acting like an idiot, and I was especially prone to constantly regurgitating embarrassing moments late at night. So, I just avoided it. It got me thinking about what the turning point was for me. And I think, though I could be wrong, it must have been when I started having sex. Jake’s a lovely, lovely man. When I ...