Random Acts of Awesome

I always said I'd never try hallucinogens, because I didn't trust my grasp on reality to be strong enough to keep my tethered to the earth with something trying to pull me away. Well. I didn't really think of mushrooms as hallucinogens. I did them once, long ago. Had some mushroom tea with a group of people I really should not have been taking any sort of illegal substance with. Bunch of stupid guys. Fortunately for me, the tea didn't affect me in any way, shape or form. I didn't even feel buzzed. So, a couple months ago, I did them again. Just me and Stoph, who's done them plenty of times. And again, it barely affected me. I felt buzzed, and happy. Super giggly. But not high. Same with the next time I did them. It was honestly just a truly pleasant, mellow buzz. The last time I did them, though... yeah. Not so much. I know why they call it tripping now. Because you truly do trip and fall down a rabbit hole. Looking back on the experience now, it's fas...

I have a sister named Theresa. She's about 6 years older than me, so she's 40 now. She has Williams Syndrome . Reading that clinical description is very strange. I don't associate HER with a disability. I know she has some disabilities. She's mildly retarded, she has a hard time keeping the weight off, she's got the emotional development of a teenager. I feel like I just described most of America. So, I don't think of my sister as Handicapped. In some ways, she is. In some ways, she has boundaries and barriers that the rest of us just don't have to deal with. In other ways, she is lightyears ahead of the curve. It's funny. Thinking about my sister, the strongest memories I have are always of conflict. We butted heads CONSTANTLY. She was incredibly stubborn, and absolutely convinced she was always right. I, on the other hand, was the model of reason and humility... WHAT?! Yeah. We were a lot alike. And because of this, we constantly argued. I felt ...

God damn, I am so fucking sick of feeling so stressed all the fucking time. I am perfectly well aware the every single source of stress in my life at the moment is my own damn fault. It is. But I feel so helpless to get rid of them. They're so trite, too. Money, job, landlady, lovers, health... Just your everyday, run of the mill stresses that make life just unhappy enough to suck, but not unhappy enough to be unbearable. I keep dreaming about running away. Literally. I dreamt about robbing a bank and moving to Costa Rica the other night. It was an incredibly detailed dream, and honestly, quite tempting. I just want to run away from everything, to live simply. But that's been my MO for too long. Running away, creating a new life, and then populating that new life with the EXACT SAME things that made me run away in the first place. Fuck that. I know I have to fix that part of me, otherwise I'll be in Costa Rica and stressing about eating too many coconuts and spending ...