Random Acts of Awesome

The problem with having a hard (extremely hard) time being vulnerable is that, when you finally let yourself be vulnerable, you all too often choose the wrong person to be witness to it. Because you hate being vulnerable, so you choose people who you kind of know aren't really "worthy" of your vulnerability. They're not going to process it the way you need them to. They're going to be too self centered to take it in and let it change their opinion of you. They're probably going to love the fact that you opened up to them, because it validates their view of themselves as a wonderful human being. And they're going to appreciate your weakness more than your strength. And all of that? You know it's your own damn fault. Because you choose not to deeply connect to people who are better than that. Because you don't want being vulnerable to become something healthy. You want to be validated in your fear and your shame. So you choose people who, even with...

I have an interesting relationship with symbols. I attribute much power to symbols, regardless of whether they originate solely in the human mind or not. For instance, this morning I did a tarot reading for myself. In fact, I did 3 of them. And came away with a strong sense of comfort and warmth. And knowledge, coalesced into useful, tangible meaning. The symbols on the cards, the paintings and general meaning of them, are just geometric shapes and concepts. They're just words and ideas, not mystical portals to another world. But what are words and ideas, if not power incarnate? The questions I asked I asked of myself. And the meanings I pulled from each card are meanings that I pull specifics from for my own benefit. But that doesn't mean that I don't feel a pull when I lay out my cards. It doesn't mean that each card isn't set down with a purpose, pulled from a random selection for a reason. I don't know what that pull is. I don't know if it comes f...

I have had the craziest, weirdest, most apocalyptic dreams for the past two nights. They've been kind of awesome dreams. The kind you still remember every moment of, because it was more like watching a movie than dreaming... The first dream, from the night before last, I was in a giant, futuristic office building. It's a regular in my dreamscapes, and has elevators that go sideways. 'Nough said on that. It was a police state, in the midst of fighting the bad guys, who were basically Brown Coats (you know who I'm talkin' about here, my nerds) in stiff black trench coats and fedoras. Yeah. My first glimpse of the bad guys was to see a group of them running into the giant lobby of the building, and my heart went pitter patter. Because they were hot. And the police? The police were robots. Who didn't come running into the building after the bad guys. No no. Nothing so simple. Instead, as the bad guys disappeared into the guts of the building, I felt a rumbling b...