Good dear, sweet lord, I need...

Over the past couple of years I've developed the libido of a 14 year old boy. I really have. I've always had a higher than normal drive, though it's been depressed in the past due to issues with repression and angst. I'll go through periods in my life where I feel like a monk, with no sex drive at all. Periods that are coming fewer and farther between, though. It's been months since the last one, and that period was marked by quite a few intervals of particularly non-monklike behavior. 


And nowadays, if I have to go through a couple of days without any form of stimulation, I feel like I'm going to explode in a messy morass of undefined anger and need. It's bad. 

And it's odd. Because I don't want less than the full thing. I can satisfy myself, of course. I've become a connoisseur of self inflicted orgasm, and there are many, many different ways of pleasuring oneself. But none of them are as satisfying to me right now as interacting with another human being. And I've gotten spoiled. Taking guys home from a bar is rarely as satisfying as you think it's going to be.  The importance of actually having a connection with someone when it comes to satisfying sex has been driven home for me lately. Not to say that random interactions can't be fun. But they're just not as satisfying, for the most part. 

And none of my current partners are feeling the same why I am at the moment. They're either unavailable, or just not feelin' it. Grrr... I need a bigger black book. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I fall

I wrote this awhile ago. I should have had it on here before, but I keep forgetting about it. Today reminded me :D.  I can almost feel you pulsing inside me Your rough hands grasping my ass Your breath hot and panting against my neck As my hands frantically pull and scratch at the wall in front of me And moans fall from my lips in time with your thrusts I look down, and I see the yawning chasm that your cock is pounding me towards Inch by slow, heavy inch, I slide closer My mouth opens on a silent scream And I give up, I let go I fall I soar for a moment But you ride my body to the bottom, biting my shoulder and bruising my hips in a desperate attempt to not let go We crash together with a jarring thud Gasping for breath and boneless You roll away, and I lie there Shuddering, my skin rippling with the aftershock
Read more

Babel

I've been thinking a lot about the story of the Tower of Babel lately. What got me started down that train of thought was wishing that I knew Spanish. That somehow I could just magically, based on the 2 years worth of primary school classes I had, remember everything, and put it together into a coherent whole without having to relearn the language. Not knowing a language that is being spoken around you feels deeply alienating. My brain would search for patterns and meaning, finding small clues here and there, but on the whole I was completely in the dark. With time, effort, and immersion, I'd be fine. But right off the bat? The alienation led to a sense of constant unease, a deep knowledge that I would be unable to express my needs if I had to. I found it very reassuring that most of the people around me knew English very well, and were happy to communicate with me using it. THAT got me to thinking about the power of language, the power dynamics behind being able to expect
Read more

Needs, Wants, Desires

What do I need? I need to be happy. I need to be fulfilled. I need to have a sense of purpose. I need to feel safe. I need to be independent. With that last one, I wonder. Do I need to be independent? Or do I want? I don't know. So, what do I want? I want to be rich. I want to be happy. I want to do something good with my life. Wow. Wanting to be rich, brain? Really? When you just spent a couple hours worth of thought cycles thinking about how unhealthy your relationship with money is? But rich means safety, and independence. I do not want to do what I do for a living. It is not who I am. But it is money. It is safety, and it is independence. The money I make keeps me comfortable, but not happy. If I had more money, would I be both comfortable and happy? Not from the money alone, but from what the money allowed me to do, maybe. But I know myself. If I am not doing what I want and need to be doing now, money won't make a difference. It won't give me more d
Read more