Dating site ads over the years...

Yep. Just some ads I've posted over the past couple of years which have gained me some AWESOME results... Feel free to plagiarize. :D 

Oh, Reality. Why do you fail me??

I have been enjoying a short stint away from the realities of other human beings. I’ve been focusing my energy inwards, allowing myself the luxury of staring at myself. And it’s been fun. Intense, even. Truly getting to know yourself, to become passionately intimate with the inner workings of your own head? It’s wonderful stuff.

For the first couple of weeks.

But now I find myself a little boring. After all, I always know what I’m going to say before I say it. I got into the infuriating habit of finishing my sentences for me. I’d find myself rolling my eyes at a story I’d heard a thousand times. C’mon, self. It was funny the first ten times, but god. Get over yourself.

And that’s when I realized. The romance was gone. I could no longer find pure fulfillment inside my own head. I’d stare into my eyes, and there’d be no spark, no passion. In bed, I’d go through the motions, but I’d always be thinking about other things. Grocery lists, books, that cute guy at the burrito place... I think we’ve all been there, and it’s a depressing place to be. But acknowledging the truth of it, accepting reality, and moving on is so important. So, I’m leaving myself. I’m going to take my time and precious energy, and focus it on things and people that actually deserve it. Things and people that treat me the way I deserve to be treated, and that aren’t so ridiculously critical of every single thought and petty desire that runs through my head. Things and people that hopefully wont be AWARE of every single thought and petty desire that runs through my head (sorry, clairvoyants need not apply).

I’m afraid it’s going to be a bit of a rebound situation. I’ve been focusing so completely on myself that it might be hard to switch gears and focus on someone else. But if you’re interested in beguiling conversation, carefree interaction, and flirty fulminations, with no automatic assumption of forever, then get in touch.

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Sauce for the goose…

I love idioms. Especially quirky ones that only make sense if you force them to. I mean, come now. How many geese care about sauce? Unless they are capable of the thought processes that will lead them to realize they might be soaking in it come Christmas… In which case we’re all in big trouble, because intelligent geese are a terrifying thought. They’re already scary enough, with their obnoxious honks and razor edged beaks. Self awareness could add nothing good to that equation.

 

Have I hammered home the fact that I’m weird and quirky and nonsensical hard enough? No? Well, shit.

This is hard. I’m not very good at subtle. Well, no, that’s not true. I’m very good at subtle. Just not when it comes to defining who I am. And what I want.

So, no subtle.

I’m looking for someone to have fun with. By fun I mean wonderful, mentally stimulating conversation, intense physical attraction, sparky chemistry, and mellow, drama free good times.

 

I do not mean drunken fumbling on a dance floor, awkward conversations about past relationships, and embarrassed slinking out the door to avoid your alcohol fueled pretensions of Casanova like grandeur. 

I suppose the common factor in all those negatives is alcohol, so I will say I'm not looking for someone who has to drink to have a good time. 

 

Don’t get me wrong, I truly enjoy some good alcohol, and the social lubrication that goes along with it. I love scotch, and good vodka, and am a sucker for an amazing gin martini. I just don’t need any of those things at any given point in time to have a deep conversation about the life, the universe, and everything, and am attracted to people who don’t need that either.

I’m not looking for anything serious right now, and am trying to be an ethically casual dater. This involves being extremely honest and upfront about what I’m willing to do and what I’m not willing to do. It also involves respect for whoever I’m with, regardless of whether it’s for a day or a month. And I expect that respect in return. I don’t fuck around with something as serious as another human beings heart.

 

I’m attaching a pic (an awkward but very recent one), not to gain responses from people who are focused on physical attractions, but to weed out those who wouldn’t be attracted to my body type. In return, I’d like a pic in your response. More than one sentence, maybe even a grammatically correct paragraph or two describing yourself, would be much appreciated as well. I’m honestly attracted to all sorts of people, with personality, humor, and kindness coming in FAR above physical factors when it comes to attraction

 

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Technologic

 

I’m listening to Daft Punk at work, and it’s making me restless. I love this shit, but sitting in my seat in front of my computer doing nothing but bopping my head to it is bad for my mental health. I need to get out and expend some of this energy.

 

So, in light of that, I’d love to meet some random nerdy yet masculine guy for a beer. I say nerdy because I love the smarty pants ones, the guys I can carry on a totally goofy conversation with about the moral imperatives Indiana Jones has to teach us, and why technology is both destroying and creating our civilization, rather like Ouroboros. I say masculine because I have found over the past couple of weeks of dating really nerdy men that I need to be attracted to body AND brain. One or the other just doesn’t do it for me. And I like masculine guys.

 

Pic for pic. I’m cute, curvy, not tiny but not heavy, 5’9, and not for the meek of heart. Get back to me before I leave work in an hour and let’s get a beer.

 

I work downtown, and prefer to stay here for the sake of comfort while meeting a complete and total stranger.