Random Acts of Awesome

That's what I spent this holiday season being. Yes, that's right. I really got into the christmas spirit this year. I gave my all to my fellow man, I was happily generous and giving, I was greedy and excessive, I was cranky and stressed, and I was drunk as fuck.  I went and saw a movie Christmas Day with Z, which was a lot of fun. We saw Black Swan. Interesting movie. Then we went to Santeria and had amazing mexican food, which he couldn't eat most of because there was more jalapeños than meat in his. This fact changed our plans from going on a strip club crawl to going back to his place so his belly could settle down. We were only supposed to cuddle and watch a movie, but that never happens. I always go there with the best of intentions. Half the time we're at his house because he doesn't feel up to going out, and we always plan on just sitting around cuddling and watching movies. In fact, I've taken to trying not to cuddle so as to facilitate the "Friends...

God, I started writing this one out YEARS ago, and just now finished it. It's interesting, seeing the changes, not only in the way I write but in how I feel about things... I've been stood up for the first time in my young, uneventful life. I'm not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, my ego is looking down a gaping hole of doom, with the “Well, OF COURSE he stood you up! You're ugly!” birds of prey, and the “Oh god, I'm never going to get laid again unless I accept the attentions of desperate men who think I'm a whore...” jackals circling and looking ravenous. On the other hand, I'm feeling pretty lackadaisical about it all. I didn't allow my self to stay at home and eat chedderwurst and watch The Secret Diary of a Call Girl, like I really wanted to (rowr! Billy Piper...). I got sexed out and caught the bus downtown and let myself look at any man who walked past instead of ignoring them the way I normally do. This pulled my ego out of the land o...

The concept of polyamory has been coming up quite a bit in my life lately. Both of the periphery, and directly related to me. It's gotten me thinking about what it means, whether it's truly viable, whether it's something I want for myself. Honestly, I tend to think I'm too jealous a person to deal with a serious, committed partner having sex with other people. And when I'm in a serious, committed relationship, I tend to not be attracted to other people. That's probably a mix of upbringing and genetics, since my parents were passionately in love and my father never looked at another woman. I'm softwired to expect that from a mate. But, when it comes to friendships and sex, my views are very different. I'm involved with a married couple, both of whom I consider very good friends, and both of whom I'm sexually attracted to. They don't live near me, so distance contributes to the ease of our relationship. But even if they did, I think we could make i...

I'm cranky. I'm sick, tried to call in, but since nobody could cover my shift I had to be here. Ok, I can deal with that. It's crazy busy, and we need the coverage. Whatever. But my boss still hasn't approved my vacation request I sent in weeks ago. I told him when I sent it that I needed it because my dad is going in for surgery and I have to be there. Now it turns out that my best friends father, a man who I admired greatly growing up, is dying of cancer. He's in end stage, and they've given him anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months. I have to see this man before he dies. I just have to. I don't know why. He was somebody who... I don't know. He loved me, very much. And was very vocal about it. I grew up surrounded by such restrained people, and he was so vibrant and ebullient. He actually scared the crap out of me for most of my life. He respected me. In a way that I didn't know how to respond to. He expected more of me, and when I disappointed him... ...

Freedom. It means I can come to you with the taste of another man on my tongue. With the memory of his hands on my body and his fingers in my cunt, with the feel of his cum on my lips, my cheeks still flushed from the intense pleasure he forces upon me. And I can laugh with you. I can enjoy your company. I can twine my fingers with yours, brush my body along your side, watch your lips as you speak and imagine running my tongue along their seam. I can sit on a couch with you in a dark room, watch a movie while I run my hands lightly up and down your leg. I can lay my head in your lap and breath on your erect cock. I can fuck you, make love to you, ride you, and watch your eyes above me as you labor. I can wrap my legs around your waist and love the feel of every part of you touching me. I can be desperate to watch you cum, desperate for the taste and sight of you, yearn for the touch of your hand on the back of my neck. I can love you, in my own way, as we lay side by side, laughing at ...

I've had a couple of hilarious, yet eye-opening interactions with men lately. Saturday evening I was waiting at the bus stop just outside of my house, and since it was windy, I was actually waiting inside the little shelter. It was the gloaming time of evening, where the sky was still bright blue but the rest of the world was dark. The shelter itself is in shadow, so it was REALLY dark. And I'm normally pretty wary of that. I live in, if not a bad neighborhood, a neighborhood that makes me very, very aware of my environment at all times. But this time, for whatever reason, I wasn't paying attention to anything but my phone. I was standing in the shelter, facing the street with my back to the wind and the rest of the world, with my face buried in my phone. And for some reason, I suddenly realized what I was doing, and how odd it was for me. And I looked up. As I was lifting my head, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and my entire body shivered. In completely stereoty...