Resources

Life has been hard lately, and when life is hard I marshall all my meager resources into surviving. Well, honestly, more like into making sure I don't fall into that gaping pit of inability to be "normal" that's always looming under my feet. If a pit can loom...

Anyways, when life gets like this, I have nothing to write about. I mean, I have a thousand things to write about, but I can't type any of them out. It's odd, because typing would make them easier to deal with, more realistic. But I just can't devote any energy to the thought processes involved for fear of taking energy from a rather more important function. Like breathing :D.

It's an over dramatized view of my world, I'm aware. Life isn't actually that hard. I didn't suddenly get dropped into Darfur with a rifle in my hand and told to kill my family or die. But it's been hitting a lot of triggers for me, triggers that are hard to deal with even for a wealthy white woman in a first world country with a job and home. :D See that? That's how I talk myself out of feeling sorry for myself. I don't need to feel sorry for myself ON TOP of feeling overwhelmed.

So, today I'm taking some time off. I made coffee with mesquite in it, I'm going to the Mississippi street fair with good friends and my brother, I'm going to go take pictures of the beautiful new apartment I worked so fucking hard to find, and I'm going to revel in the fact that my life is self directed and hard won. Oh, and I'm going to eat good food. Somewhere, somehow, I'm going to eat hella good food.
SO SAY I, SO MOTE IT BE!!!!

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