NERDS!!

This is from an old piece I wrote for GeekaCheekas a goodly while ago. But I still love it.




I've always loved the idea of nerds. I've been attracted to them since I was a young teenager. Especially onscreen. They were the only fictitious characters I can remember being attracted to as a young'un. Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones, Jeff Goldblum in the Fly, Sam Neil in Jurassic Park, Matthew Broderick in War Games.


MmmMmmMmmmmm. Yummy. As a consequence, when I got to be a teenager, the people I developed crushes on were all nerds.


Brian, the web footed D&D nerd who introduced me to LARPs; Chris, the drugged out librarian boy I stalked amongst the shelves for two years; David, the HOT AS FUCK 6ft tall Taiwanese man who was the network engineer at my first computer job and who courted me with Badtz-Maru dolls; Mark, the beautiful red headed AutoCAD engineer who made my 17 year old heart dream of marriage and babies; Michael, the interior designer who was secretly a gun and history nerd; Nate, the chess guru who challenged my head and libido...


Every single one of these guys caught my eye right off the bat because they were quintessential NERDS. Smart, socially inept, shy, driven, fascinated by arcane subjects, capable of focusing intensely on whatever they were interested in.


I was completely fascinated by all of them. I could sit for hours and listen to them talk about their passions, and while sometimes it was a give and take, mostly it was them talking at me. I learned a lot from them, over the years.


But, inevitably, I'd fall out of fascination. I'd start to feel disappointed. I wasn't sure why, because they didn't change. They were still awesomely nerdy, sweet, shy... they were still all the things I was attracted to in the first place. But I always fell out of attraction with them, waiting for them to become something they were never going to be. I wasn't sure what that something was, but I knew I expected it of them. Well, over beers last night, I realized what that something was. We were talking about how stupid Superman's disguise was. Glasses. C'mon. Really?? Glasses on - mild mannered reporter. Glasses off - SUPERMAN!!! I got to thinking out loud about what that really says about how our society views glasses. What do glasses represent? Nerds. What do nerds represent? Inept, shy, clumsy, ineffective, and definitely not sexy.


Clark Kent was a nerd. But slip his glasses off, and suddenly you've got the strongest man in the world, packing something awful attractive in those bright red undies. Interesting.


Now, Indiana Jones. "Jonesy wasn't a nerd!" you might say. "He was an adventurer!" But really. Think about it. Indy was an archeology professor. He was completely socially inept. Yeah, he got the hot girls, but not through any real effort on his part. He was hyper focused, abrupt, impatient, very cerebral, and he wore a bow tie. That bow tie is what got me thinking. Because when does he wear a bow tie? In school. When he's in nerd mode. Indy's disguise is his bow tie. Take it off, and you've got a hot dude in a fedora and whip, ready to whisk you off on an insane adventure. So. My epiphany?


I'm always waiting for the nerds to take off the glasses and bow tie and whisk me away, knock me off my feet, kiss me crazy, and take me dancing in the air. Because that's what nerds DO!! Underneath every nerdly exterior is an adventurous hero beating his chest and waiting to ravish you. Right? RIGHT??? Wrong. And it's taken me till I'm in my thirties to realize this. Fuck you, Indiana Jones. Fuck you and your false expectation creations. I still love nerds. I'm still attracted to their beautiful brains. But I'm no longer looking for them to be something they're not. Now, if I want an adventurer, I'm more likely to go looking in REI than the local library. If I want a gorilla, I'll go to a sports game. If I want wonderful conversation and sensitive, emotional sex... I'll find a nerd. I can deal with that.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Fucking Monsanto... FUCKING HUMANS!!

Is it terrible that my reaction to this article is an eye roll and a "No f'ing shit, Sherlock"? Good lord. Especially this part: But farmers sprayed so much Roundup that weeds quickly evolved to survive it. “What we’re talking about here is Darwinian evolution in fast-forward,” Mike Owen, a weed scientist at Iowa State University, said. There's a strain of extremely hardy coca plant growing all over Latin America right now that is almost completely resistant to any sort of herbicide except the most toxic. It's a strain that created itself in under 10 years, which is an insanely short period of time for a plant to evolve. Why did it do so? Because of the "War on Drugs". We sprayed so much Roundup throughout it's natural habitat that the evolution of the plant was spurred into high speed. We created a plant that we don't have the resources to destroy in an effort to look like we were doing something decisive. Fucking brilliant. Now the same thing i...
Read more

Ah, sexual dysfunction, my old friend...

I have a feeling I'm going to be appalled at myself after I write this out, but right now I haven't been able to stop an evil, smug little smile from creeping onto my face all afternoon. So, last night, this guy B came over. I've been seeing him off and on for about 4 months now. He's got some quirks that I find annoying, but for the most part our sexual chemistry more than makes up for that. One of the most annoying quirks is his tendency to bite. Hard. I've had bruises with perfect teeth shaped imprints from him. Now, I don't actually mind biting, for the most part. I like the contrast of sensation, between arousal and pain. And this guy knows that, and has taken too free license with it in the past. I've talked to him about it, and told him to go easier, to not bite so hard. And he listened, for the most part.  But last night, he bit me really, really hard just after I'd had a REALLY intense orgasm. And that level of pain transfered all that intense f...
Read more
It's so much easier to feel beautiful when you're alone. I wonder about that, sometimes. Of all the beautiful sex I've had, the best has been alone. Not the best orgasms, of course. The orgasms I give myself always feel a little flat. I can't feed on my own need, my own fulfillment. I only feel content, full, after I've lost myself in a lovers fruition. But beautiful... that only seems to happen in my own eyes. When I'm alone, I see the spill of my own hair across a pillow as I turn my face to the side, and it's art. I feel my own skin, silk. I pull my breasts out of confines of my bra, and the expanse of flesh doesn't feel ample, it feels right. Their size doesn't matter to me, only what they make me feel, and every inch of surface is waiting for my fingertips and nails. My hard little nipples aren't too big or too small. They're simply perfect points of sensation. I can touch them soft or rough, it doesn't matter. I do only what I wan...
Read more