Dating

I'm trying it again. It's been a little while since I've actively pursued multiple dates. I've had some awesome ones with great people. But for the most part, my life has been pretty stranger free. I've been focusing too much on home, on comfort and stability. On Trevor, honestly, and my comfort and ease with him. Friendship is a wonderful thing. It is. And friendship with someone who is your lover, even more wonderful.

But it's not passion. It's not need, and growth, and frenetic, frantic desire.

It's a soft, nurturing rain. And, oh, how I've missed thunderstorms.

But I've been comfortable, fat and content and lazy. To get the ball rolling, I posted an ad on Craigslist. It's a pretty good one, apparently, because I've got three dates out of it. All with what seem to be really interesting people.
This is the ad:
Howdy, Craigslist world. It's been a while. I've been busy, life has been hectic, it's not you it's me, yadayadayada...

I realized last night, while sitting in a wonderfully real dive bar that hasn't yet been overtaken by hipsters in search of ever elusive true irony, that finding the kind of connection I want has become more difficult. I was horny, and a little bit lonely. I wanted to meet someone fascinating, have an awesome conversation, a whole lot of sparks, and see what happened. Shockingly enough, I didn't find that in a dive bar full of very drunk people. But I hadn't found it in the lovely, swanky little beer bar I'd been in before that. I met plenty of guys who wanted to talk, who came over and offered to buy me a beer for the right to stare at my cleavage. And I tried, I promise. I talked, I listened... nada. Bars are just not conducive to the kind of connection I want. I could have gone home with any of those guys, in the beer bar or the dive bar. And I could have had a moment of connection, some fun in the sack, lost the niggling feeling of lonely whispering at the back of my neck for a moment. And it wouldn't have filled the hole (heh) in the slightest. Which makes it sound like I'm looking for a guy to "complete me". I'm not, I promise. I'm a firm believer in being my own completion, thankyouverymuch.
But that spark, that connection, that sense of passionate discovery building to frenetic desire... that's very, very important to me. And missing from my life at the moment. I spent so long concentrating on myself, on fixing my shit, that I let my search for that wonderful chemistry slide away.

So. I'm starting to look for it again. This is a ridiculously vague ad, I realize. And vague very rarely nets one what one needs and truly wants. But I figured I'd start with a declaration, and see if anybody else felt the same desire.

I realize that everyone on here is looking for a connection, of one sort or another. To weed out completely incompatible searches:
I'm not looking for my soulmate. I do not want to seriously date anyone. If it happens, it happens. But it will be happening over my kicking and screaming, so it probably won't happen.
I'm not just looking for sex. That's a part of it, definitely. I'm a highly sexual woman, I'm comfortable in my skin, and it's been too long. But that does not mean I'm desperate, and it does not mean I'm going to get drunk and overlook everything I dislike about you and fuck you anyways. I'm picky. I expect you to be picky too.
I'm a nerd. I like nerdy things. And not in a "OH MY GOD I'M SUCH A GEEK BECAUSE I WEAR THESE BIG GLASSES AND JUST READ THIS OBSCURE BOOK" kind of way. I've been a nerd for a fucking long time, and I love it. I idolized Spock as a wee one, and he helped define my sexuality.
That being said, I'm actually really attracted to highly physical men. It's a total cliche, but I like a guy who is comfortable in his own skin, and big enough to throw me around in bed. I like burly. If you're a burly nerd who can talk dirty to me about any form of math, physics, science, or history, you go straight to the head of the line.
I'm completely a-religious. I respect others spirituality, but if Christianity and the one true god is your thing, we aren't going to get along. Hell, if the one true God of any sort is your thing, we aren't going to get along.

Basically, I'm looking to meet a guy who is attracted to me because of my brain, not in spite of it. Who respects me for my comfort with sex, not in spite of it. Who wants to fuck my tits because they're awesome, not in spite of... yeah, that one doesn't work.

I'm cute. I'm not gorgeous, but I'm not a troll. I am confident, and hold myself well. I'm curvy in the classic sense of the word, with breasts and hips that make men cry. And a belly that makes me cry. I'm 5'9, and a bit of an amazon. Curly brown hair down to my shoulders, brown eyes that can see into your soul... I'm far from perfect, and don't expect perfection from others. But I need to be attracted to you, and you need to be attracted to me. Send me a pic with your reply, please, or I won't respond. I'm looking to meet pretty soon. I spend all day in front of a computer for work, and am not looking to exchange a bunch of emails.

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