What I want, part 3 (the HOLY SHIT version)
Ugh. I'm nervous. Normally, I'm more than a little superstitious about writing about things that haven't happened yet, but might happen soon. Writing them out, I feel, makes them less likely to happen.
But this? I'm a weltering morass of nervousness and giddyness, and I want to write about it.
See, all the things that I wrote out, about what I want? They're all possibly coming to fruition in a couple of months. Every. Single. One of them.
I was randomly poking around Craigslist in Arizona, looking at places for rent in spots that I've found beautiful (I do this regularly, all over the world. You never know what you're going to find).
And I found an ad that made me gasp. It hit me, right in my head and my heart. It was written by a 78 year old farmer/scientist (RIGHT???) who was looking for someone to rent some space from him in his house or on his property. But he didn't just want someone to rent space from him. He wanted someone to contribute to what he's trying to build. He's been an organic farmer for the past 48 years on this property, and he wants to connect with people who can help him connect with the future. He wants people who want to work on projects (LIKE BUILDING A FREAKING COB HOUSE, hello want #13), and learn from him. Learn things like welding (#14!), physics(15!!!!), and carpentry(meh).
In return, he wants to learn from them. How to bake sourdough bread. How to cook, period. How to take pictures and video of his farm, upload them, and market things.
Things I'm good at.
So, I called him. He'd left his phone # on the ad, no email. And I talked to him for a bit, and very quickly found out that the room he'd been advertising had just been rented the other day, and the housing he was talking about was actually a tent (I could have a tipi if I was willing to help build it). I got a big sad, and told him I couldn't do that, since I'd need steady wifi and electricity, since I'd be keeping my job. Plus, tent in Arizona=fuck no. And he said "that's too bad", and then I tried to get off the phone because I was really disappointed since I'd convinced myself that this was my destiny and that everything was going to fall into place the second I called this guy and it didn't and didn't that just figure and I was going to cry.
But he kept talking. He's a chatty guy. And, the conversation was interesting. He's kind of a fascinating human being. We talked about some weird shit, everything from science to gardening to politics. I was on the phone with him for a good hour.
At the end of the conversation, he told me to send him an email so we could keep in touch, and he'd let me know if anything changed. So I sent him an email 2 minutes after I got off the phone, and we've been communicating ever since.
He obviously doesn't like email as much as he likes the phone, but he's been able to convey a pretty good picture of who he is as a human being. He included a friend of his in our email chain, a woman named Sandy who lives in Indiana and who is his exact polar opposite in every way it's possible to be, and apparently his best friend. She and I talked more than he and I did. She's a firecracker of an older lady, living alone on a couple acres of land with her 6 cats. Her partner passed away recently, and she's having a hard time keeping up with the land she's on. She's planning on moving to Peters (the guys name) farm sometime in the near future, when she's not broke. I liked her. A lot. I don't often connect with elderly people. They intimidate the shit out of me. I think it comes from years upon years of having respect beaten into my head, at the cost of seeing them as humans. Plus, scary German grandmother.
But this lady, I like her. She's into metaphysics the same way Peter is into physics. And he tolerates her "wacky spiritualism" the same way she tolerates his "dogmatic belief in science". They're adorable.
Peter is actually married to a woman in Belarus. She's a doctor there, and they are waiting for her to get her visa to come to the US. She's 50 something, and apparently a looker. I got a bit of hint of an elderly love triangle there, while they were talking...
So, this whole time, we're talking, but no hint of a change is being given. We're just chatting for the sake of chatting. And while I'm enjoying myself, I'm also really sad and disappointed. I had wanted this with every fiber of my being for a short period of time, and when it didn't work out immediately, I wanted to walk away. But I forced myself to carry on this conversation for itself, because it felt selfish to just stop talking because I didn't get what I wanted.
And then, a couple of weeks later, I saw another ad he'd posted. This time for a mobile home on his property, 4 bedrooms, cheap rent, AC, privacy, and my heart leapt again. He hadn't mentioned it to me in the emails, and I didn't know what that meant. But, I decided to go for it. I emailed him that I was going to move one way or the other, and I'd made up my mind that I'd like to move to his farm if possible, but if not that's ok. I was ready for a change, and I was going to make it happen.
He emailed me back yesterday. Apparently, the person he'd rented the suite to had just found out they weren't going to be able to take it. He'd found that out yesterday morning, and had been composing an email to me to see if I was still interested. I asked about the mobile home, but apparently he's gotten a lot of interest in it and he's not sure it will be available.
So, I'm flying out to Phoenix on the 19th of this month, renting a car, and driving up to Sedona (the farm is just outside of it) Friday night, staying to check the place out Saturday, and flying home again Sunday. If I love it as much as I think I'm going to, I'll give him a deposit before I leave, and then get my shit together. Sell what I can sell, give away what I can't, fix my car so it'll get me there, and I'll drive back at the end of August.
The best part of all of this? He lives on a river. It's a little oasis of lush, green, organic farm, on a river, in the middle of my favorite type of desert. In the mountains.
HOLY SHIT, UNIVERSE. Just. HOLY SHIT.
The only thing I'm worried about is sex. I'm going to be in the country. I can't go without sex for 6 months, I'll freaking explode. So, Universe? I'd like there to be lots and LOTS of sexy good time opportunities that I can take if I choose. And, since the farm is across the river from a reservation, I wouldn't mind seeing my childhood fantasy of fucking a beautiful man while riding a horse fulfilled while you're at it. No pressure, of course. But it would be nice if the horse was big, as well as the man. And not in a Catherine the Great kind of way, but in the I'm no dainty lady and don't want to feel guilty riding double kind of way. K? Thanks.
But this? I'm a weltering morass of nervousness and giddyness, and I want to write about it.
See, all the things that I wrote out, about what I want? They're all possibly coming to fruition in a couple of months. Every. Single. One of them.
I was randomly poking around Craigslist in Arizona, looking at places for rent in spots that I've found beautiful (I do this regularly, all over the world. You never know what you're going to find).
And I found an ad that made me gasp. It hit me, right in my head and my heart. It was written by a 78 year old farmer/scientist (RIGHT???) who was looking for someone to rent some space from him in his house or on his property. But he didn't just want someone to rent space from him. He wanted someone to contribute to what he's trying to build. He's been an organic farmer for the past 48 years on this property, and he wants to connect with people who can help him connect with the future. He wants people who want to work on projects (LIKE BUILDING A FREAKING COB HOUSE, hello want #13), and learn from him. Learn things like welding (#14!), physics(15!!!!), and carpentry(meh).
In return, he wants to learn from them. How to bake sourdough bread. How to cook, period. How to take pictures and video of his farm, upload them, and market things.
Things I'm good at.
So, I called him. He'd left his phone # on the ad, no email. And I talked to him for a bit, and very quickly found out that the room he'd been advertising had just been rented the other day, and the housing he was talking about was actually a tent (I could have a tipi if I was willing to help build it). I got a big sad, and told him I couldn't do that, since I'd need steady wifi and electricity, since I'd be keeping my job. Plus, tent in Arizona=fuck no. And he said "that's too bad", and then I tried to get off the phone because I was really disappointed since I'd convinced myself that this was my destiny and that everything was going to fall into place the second I called this guy and it didn't and didn't that just figure and I was going to cry.
But he kept talking. He's a chatty guy. And, the conversation was interesting. He's kind of a fascinating human being. We talked about some weird shit, everything from science to gardening to politics. I was on the phone with him for a good hour.
At the end of the conversation, he told me to send him an email so we could keep in touch, and he'd let me know if anything changed. So I sent him an email 2 minutes after I got off the phone, and we've been communicating ever since.
He obviously doesn't like email as much as he likes the phone, but he's been able to convey a pretty good picture of who he is as a human being. He included a friend of his in our email chain, a woman named Sandy who lives in Indiana and who is his exact polar opposite in every way it's possible to be, and apparently his best friend. She and I talked more than he and I did. She's a firecracker of an older lady, living alone on a couple acres of land with her 6 cats. Her partner passed away recently, and she's having a hard time keeping up with the land she's on. She's planning on moving to Peters (the guys name) farm sometime in the near future, when she's not broke. I liked her. A lot. I don't often connect with elderly people. They intimidate the shit out of me. I think it comes from years upon years of having respect beaten into my head, at the cost of seeing them as humans. Plus, scary German grandmother.
But this lady, I like her. She's into metaphysics the same way Peter is into physics. And he tolerates her "wacky spiritualism" the same way she tolerates his "dogmatic belief in science". They're adorable.
Peter is actually married to a woman in Belarus. She's a doctor there, and they are waiting for her to get her visa to come to the US. She's 50 something, and apparently a looker. I got a bit of hint of an elderly love triangle there, while they were talking...
So, this whole time, we're talking, but no hint of a change is being given. We're just chatting for the sake of chatting. And while I'm enjoying myself, I'm also really sad and disappointed. I had wanted this with every fiber of my being for a short period of time, and when it didn't work out immediately, I wanted to walk away. But I forced myself to carry on this conversation for itself, because it felt selfish to just stop talking because I didn't get what I wanted.
And then, a couple of weeks later, I saw another ad he'd posted. This time for a mobile home on his property, 4 bedrooms, cheap rent, AC, privacy, and my heart leapt again. He hadn't mentioned it to me in the emails, and I didn't know what that meant. But, I decided to go for it. I emailed him that I was going to move one way or the other, and I'd made up my mind that I'd like to move to his farm if possible, but if not that's ok. I was ready for a change, and I was going to make it happen.
He emailed me back yesterday. Apparently, the person he'd rented the suite to had just found out they weren't going to be able to take it. He'd found that out yesterday morning, and had been composing an email to me to see if I was still interested. I asked about the mobile home, but apparently he's gotten a lot of interest in it and he's not sure it will be available.
So, I'm flying out to Phoenix on the 19th of this month, renting a car, and driving up to Sedona (the farm is just outside of it) Friday night, staying to check the place out Saturday, and flying home again Sunday. If I love it as much as I think I'm going to, I'll give him a deposit before I leave, and then get my shit together. Sell what I can sell, give away what I can't, fix my car so it'll get me there, and I'll drive back at the end of August.
The best part of all of this? He lives on a river. It's a little oasis of lush, green, organic farm, on a river, in the middle of my favorite type of desert. In the mountains.
HOLY SHIT, UNIVERSE. Just. HOLY SHIT.
The only thing I'm worried about is sex. I'm going to be in the country. I can't go without sex for 6 months, I'll freaking explode. So, Universe? I'd like there to be lots and LOTS of sexy good time opportunities that I can take if I choose. And, since the farm is across the river from a reservation, I wouldn't mind seeing my childhood fantasy of fucking a beautiful man while riding a horse fulfilled while you're at it. No pressure, of course. But it would be nice if the horse was big, as well as the man. And not in a Catherine the Great kind of way, but in the I'm no dainty lady and don't want to feel guilty riding double kind of way. K? Thanks.
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