Just ask a goddamn question every now and then.
It makes me sad that I know so few people who are capable of asking questions. I should say, maybe, capable of asking questions of me. It seems to be a pretty consistent trend in my life, having one or two friends who ask questions, and a ton of acquaintances who don't. Since I rarely get to sit down and natter with the good question askers, I'm left with the majority of conversationalists who really, really just want to talk about themselves.
It's been highlighted for me, lately, just how difficult it is to carry on conversations with people who would really rather engage in monologues. I get it, to a certain extent. I'm a good question asker, I am genuinely interested in what your answers are, and it's got to be tempting to just keep going. But damn, people. When the conversation starts to falter after yet another story about yourself, that's a good opportunity to ask a fucking question. As opposed to letting awkward silence fall till I ask another question about you. Or, filling in the blanks with more conversation about you.
I have spent a lot of time alone lately, and the silence has sharply limed the selfish chatter for me. While I am often content inside my own head, the longer I am silent the more I have to talk about with others. It's the flip side of the coin, and it can make for some fascinating conversations. If they're allowed to happen. But with so many of the people I know, even when I start talking about my recent experiences they interrupt quickly with their own realities. And I have no desire to compete for conversational space. If there's only room for one, I'm not going to try and be king of the hill. I'm just not that invested in it. If I love someone, and they are being selfish, I will assert myself into that space because it's worth it. I want to have a conversation with them, and I want to give my own input, so I will push the issue until I feel it's more even. But if I'm not that close to you, what motivation do I have to assert myself into your brain space? And when you don't let me in, that's your loss.
I guess what it comes down to is my own choices. Why do I have so many bad question askers in my life, and why I am not pursuing relationships with people who want to hear what I have to say? I think a big part of it has been a constant, low level self esteem issue, telling me what I have to say is not worth hearing. So I've always been drawn to people who have plenty to say themselves. Better than awkward, nerdy silence.
But as I've grown into my brain, especially over the past couple of years, I've found that I trust what I have to say. That I believe in what comes out of my mouth, and would like to share it with others. I still adore asking questions, will always adore asking questions. It's how you learn, everything and anything worth learning. But I can also make declarative conversation, can tell stories and make statements. And I want to be surrounded by people who question everything about me. Go ahead and question my declarative statement, as long as you're willing to shut the fuck up and listen to the answer.
It's been highlighted for me, lately, just how difficult it is to carry on conversations with people who would really rather engage in monologues. I get it, to a certain extent. I'm a good question asker, I am genuinely interested in what your answers are, and it's got to be tempting to just keep going. But damn, people. When the conversation starts to falter after yet another story about yourself, that's a good opportunity to ask a fucking question. As opposed to letting awkward silence fall till I ask another question about you. Or, filling in the blanks with more conversation about you.
I have spent a lot of time alone lately, and the silence has sharply limed the selfish chatter for me. While I am often content inside my own head, the longer I am silent the more I have to talk about with others. It's the flip side of the coin, and it can make for some fascinating conversations. If they're allowed to happen. But with so many of the people I know, even when I start talking about my recent experiences they interrupt quickly with their own realities. And I have no desire to compete for conversational space. If there's only room for one, I'm not going to try and be king of the hill. I'm just not that invested in it. If I love someone, and they are being selfish, I will assert myself into that space because it's worth it. I want to have a conversation with them, and I want to give my own input, so I will push the issue until I feel it's more even. But if I'm not that close to you, what motivation do I have to assert myself into your brain space? And when you don't let me in, that's your loss.
I guess what it comes down to is my own choices. Why do I have so many bad question askers in my life, and why I am not pursuing relationships with people who want to hear what I have to say? I think a big part of it has been a constant, low level self esteem issue, telling me what I have to say is not worth hearing. So I've always been drawn to people who have plenty to say themselves. Better than awkward, nerdy silence.
But as I've grown into my brain, especially over the past couple of years, I've found that I trust what I have to say. That I believe in what comes out of my mouth, and would like to share it with others. I still adore asking questions, will always adore asking questions. It's how you learn, everything and anything worth learning. But I can also make declarative conversation, can tell stories and make statements. And I want to be surrounded by people who question everything about me. Go ahead and question my declarative statement, as long as you're willing to shut the fuck up and listen to the answer.
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