Random Acts of Awesome

I'm sitting in a beer bar all alone, enjoying a nice brew, listening to Daft Punk, and ignoring the relatively nice seeming crowd around me. I should be happy. This is my scene, after all. Instead, I'm cranky as fuck. I feel like a teenager, angsty, antsy and agro. JUST SO CRANKY!!! Part of this stems from a lack of consistent sex. A larger part of it stems from a constant exposure to my ex. I love my ex. He's such a good guy. BUT OH MY HOLY FUCKING HELL, HE CAN BE A FLAMING DOUCHEBAG. He's still an invalid, and he's a bad patient. Whiney, bitchy, cranky, selfish, and full of self hate. Awesome. And I have no shields against it. You know how, when you're a kid, and you see your parents fighting, and you think "Jesus, people. If you'd just step back from your stupid egos you'd realize this is not nearly as big a deal as you're making it out to be."? And then, as you become an adult and you get involved with someone, and there's that mome...

BOOOOORE you if I want to... you would blog too if it happened to you... Jake : booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssss buzzing around my head me : that sounds painful... Jake : you sure are typing slowly me : I am? AM NOT! Jake : lol it said you been typing that sentence for like 3 mins me : Woah. That's creepy... Jake : yep me : Google is crazy today. Stupid google Jake : I agree stewpid pac man anniversary me : Aw. But it's so cute! Jake : LOL it is How you feelng? me : LOL. I'm good. I've got a headache, though Don't know where the fuck it came from Jake : OH noz me : Yeah. LOL Jake : That sucks me : I'm officially starting and ending every conversation with you with LOL In protest. LOL Jake : of my moms chatting skills? me : No, of YOUR chatting skills, my friend. lol Jake : :( me : That's right. It'll be like saying LIKE after someone who says like too ...

Not a warm gun. Most of the time. I was talking to a friend the other day about how frustrating lack of surety about ones future can be, and it got me thinking. The equation that kept popping into my head was : honesty = truth = surety = happiness. For me, happiness has come about because of honesty. I spent a very, very long time lying to myself. Dishonesty had to be an intrinsic part of who I was, because anything else would lead to things that were unthinkable at the time. Breaking away from that mindset, and setting in motion the unthinkable things, allowed me to embrace honesty within myself. With honesty came a knowledge of what was actually truth and what wasn't. With that knowledge came a surety about my actions. And with that surety has come the most consistent level of happiness I've ever felt. I don't have to constantly question my every thought, I don't have to ignore those truly scary realities about myself that I've always pretended weren't there. ...

Huh. I can't decide which letter I'd like to favor today. I was thinking Q, but that seems so trite. And I don't want Q to feel used by me. Maybe T. Or M. Or I. OR ALL AT ONCE! Todays post brought to you by TMI. It's been a day dominated by music. I love days like that. Each song I listen to manipulates my mood, so I make sure to listen to the type of music I want to be in the mood of. Today has alternated between filthy, maudlin, and feisty. I'm listening to The Beatles, Act Naturally at the moment. It's making me feel nostalgic. I used to listen to this album with my mom when we cleaned the house on Main Dunstable Rd. I can smell the lemon scented furniture polish right now, taste the dust on the back of my tongue, and feel the diluted yellow sunshine on my back from when I'd hide behind the couch under the window and read to escape cleaning. And now it's on to Yesterday. I can hear my mom singing this song. She was a terrible singer, with a scratchy v...

Is it terrible that my reaction to this article is an eye roll and a "No f'ing shit, Sherlock"? Good lord. Especially this part: But farmers sprayed so much Roundup that weeds quickly evolved to survive it. “What we’re talking about here is Darwinian evolution in fast-forward,” Mike Owen, a weed scientist at Iowa State University, said. There's a strain of extremely hardy coca plant growing all over Latin America right now that is almost completely resistant to any sort of herbicide except the most toxic. It's a strain that created itself in under 10 years, which is an insanely short period of time for a plant to evolve. Why did it do so? Because of the "War on Drugs". We sprayed so much Roundup throughout it's natural habitat that the evolution of the plant was spurred into high speed. We created a plant that we don't have the resources to destroy in an effort to look like we were doing something decisive. Fucking brilliant. Now the same thing i...

I wrote this out about 3 years ago. And I'm still struggling with it. That's annoying. But, this encapsulates a lot of what I've been thinking about lately, so I'm going to post it. As a child growing up in a very religious household, I was taught that the highest ideal was to strive to become the spiritual man. That the physical man was imperfect, and needed to be overcome. To dwell on physical things was to starve your spirituality and to open yourself up to the devil, who ruled the physical world. Dwelling on the higher things of things of life, such as God, his commandments, his story as told in the bible, and his one true religion, was the only way to become a spiritual creature worthy of his blessing. The beauty to be found in the world was considered worthy of consideration only in the sense that it uplifts our senses and causes us to praise the loving creator who provided it. Writing it out, it sounds like a beautiful way of living. To keep our thoughts lofty, ...

Do you ever have moments where you feel like a robot? Where day to day interactions with humans that you've done so often they should be as natural as breathing suddenly feel foreign and wrong? It's like that moment in dreams where you have to pee, you run to the bathroom, start to pee, and realize "OH GOD!! THIS IS WRONG!", and you wake up in a panic and run to the bathroom. It's just like that. Except there is no waking up and running to the bathroom. There is no relief. There is only the constant feeling of "WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING AND WHY??". It's very strange. It's bad enough at this point that I actually questioned myself when I went to the bathroom at work. I sat down to pee and had that sharp, almost orgasmic moment of panic, wondering why I hadn't woken up yet. Stupid stories. That's what started this. Well, maybe not started it. But brought it to full fruition. Reading about the growth of sentient intelligence, about the growth...