Happiness is...
Not a warm gun. Most of the time.
I was talking to a friend the other day about how frustrating lack of surety about ones future can be, and it got me thinking.
The equation that kept popping into my head was : honesty = truth = surety = happiness.
For me, happiness has come about because of honesty. I spent a very, very long time lying to myself. Dishonesty had to be an intrinsic part of who I was, because anything else would lead to things that were unthinkable at the time.
Breaking away from that mindset, and setting in motion the unthinkable things, allowed me to embrace honesty within myself. With honesty came a knowledge of what was actually truth and what wasn't. With that knowledge came a surety about my actions. And with that surety has come the most consistent level of happiness I've ever felt.
I don't have to constantly question my every thought, I don't have to ignore those truly scary realities about myself that I've always pretended weren't there. I can accept them, and change them if I see fit, or not if I don't actually want to. Being honest about them has taken away the fear hiding them in the dark created, and made them almost simple, if not easy.
That level of surety has also made the rest of my life much more simple. I don't question what I want anymore. I know what I want, and because of that sure knowledge, what I want is often drawn to me.
That doesn't mean that I know exactly what I want to be doing with my life. Far from it. FAR, FAR from it. But within the moment, within each decision, there is a very comforting certainty that this is ok, this is right for me. And each small decision is leading forward towards the right fit, the next piece of the puzzle, instead of taking away. I'm not always right, and it's not always so good. But it's pretty consistently positive. And it's made me happy. This is good.
I was talking to a friend the other day about how frustrating lack of surety about ones future can be, and it got me thinking.
The equation that kept popping into my head was : honesty = truth = surety = happiness.
For me, happiness has come about because of honesty. I spent a very, very long time lying to myself. Dishonesty had to be an intrinsic part of who I was, because anything else would lead to things that were unthinkable at the time.
Breaking away from that mindset, and setting in motion the unthinkable things, allowed me to embrace honesty within myself. With honesty came a knowledge of what was actually truth and what wasn't. With that knowledge came a surety about my actions. And with that surety has come the most consistent level of happiness I've ever felt.
I don't have to constantly question my every thought, I don't have to ignore those truly scary realities about myself that I've always pretended weren't there. I can accept them, and change them if I see fit, or not if I don't actually want to. Being honest about them has taken away the fear hiding them in the dark created, and made them almost simple, if not easy.
That level of surety has also made the rest of my life much more simple. I don't question what I want anymore. I know what I want, and because of that sure knowledge, what I want is often drawn to me.
That doesn't mean that I know exactly what I want to be doing with my life. Far from it. FAR, FAR from it. But within the moment, within each decision, there is a very comforting certainty that this is ok, this is right for me. And each small decision is leading forward towards the right fit, the next piece of the puzzle, instead of taking away. I'm not always right, and it's not always so good. But it's pretty consistently positive. And it's made me happy. This is good.
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