Blech
I'm sitting in a beer bar all alone, enjoying a nice brew, listening to Daft Punk, and ignoring the relatively nice seeming crowd around me. I should be happy. This is my scene, after all. Instead, I'm cranky as fuck. I feel like a teenager, angsty, antsy and agro. JUST SO CRANKY!!! Part of this stems from a lack of consistent sex. A larger part of it stems from a constant exposure to my ex. I love my ex. He's such a good guy. BUT OH MY HOLY FUCKING HELL, HE CAN BE A FLAMING DOUCHEBAG. He's still an invalid, and he's a bad patient. Whiney, bitchy, cranky, selfish, and full of self hate. Awesome. And I have no shields against it. You know how, when you're a kid, and you see your parents fighting, and you think "Jesus, people. If you'd just step back from your stupid egos you'd realize this is not nearly as big a deal as you're making it out to be."? And then, as you become an adult and you get involved with someone, and there's that moment of realization... "Oh my god. We're my parents."
Well, I broke up with Jake based on that realization. Because there's no fucking way in hell I'm going to waste another moment of my romantic life caught up in the traps I learned to create for myself as a child. No thank you. My parents are adorable, still married, and more in love than ever. But they spent my childhood miserably angry at each other, enacting staged battles and quoting from scripts that had been written for them by their own parents. Fuck that bull shit.
I'm not even sure I believe in marriage, but if I do ever get married, it will not be just to enact a predetermined, almost instinctive dance choreographed by others.
On to why I'm cranky... Jake and I fall right back into the bullshit roles that caused us to break up the second we spend too much time in each others company. He becomes needy, passive aggressive, and immature. And I become bitchy, parental, and aggressive. He's been at my house for 2 weeks now, and we're starting to drive each other a little insane. He needs to go home, soon. And I need to grow a pair and stop treating him like a child who needs me to take care of him.
Thank you, parental units, for completely warping our sense of how to treat the opposite sex. Thank you very much.
Well, I broke up with Jake based on that realization. Because there's no fucking way in hell I'm going to waste another moment of my romantic life caught up in the traps I learned to create for myself as a child. No thank you. My parents are adorable, still married, and more in love than ever. But they spent my childhood miserably angry at each other, enacting staged battles and quoting from scripts that had been written for them by their own parents. Fuck that bull shit.
I'm not even sure I believe in marriage, but if I do ever get married, it will not be just to enact a predetermined, almost instinctive dance choreographed by others.
On to why I'm cranky... Jake and I fall right back into the bullshit roles that caused us to break up the second we spend too much time in each others company. He becomes needy, passive aggressive, and immature. And I become bitchy, parental, and aggressive. He's been at my house for 2 weeks now, and we're starting to drive each other a little insane. He needs to go home, soon. And I need to grow a pair and stop treating him like a child who needs me to take care of him.
Thank you, parental units, for completely warping our sense of how to treat the opposite sex. Thank you very much.
Comments
Post a Comment