Need a man, now show me your fangs...

The contrast between dominance and submission, between aggression and passivity, has been on my mind a lot of lately. I don't know that I've ever truly been comfortable in the role of being a switch, somebody who can be crawling towards you in desperate need one moment and throwing you on your back in overt aggression the next. It's who I am, I accept that, but I don't know that I'm comfortable in that skin. 

And I want to be.

I want those two sides of me to be balanced. That's a difficult task to accomplish when I'm caught up more in one role than another. I've been sleeping (heh... sleeping) with someone who is quite dominant. This has allowed me to explore my submissive side (and helped me discover a love of handcuffs) to an extent I've never been able to before. It's fascinating, fun, and deliciously scary. It's also leading to an imbalance in the force. 

I recently had an opportunity to explore facets of my sexuality with someone who was sort of the perfect sub. Hard and large on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside. Sweet and aggressively attracted, yet hesitant and emotional when it came down to it. The type that normally sets off some serious predatory vibes for me, which I REALLY enjoy. And there was too much meh on my end. I had fun, but I wasn't feeling it. The hesitation got on my nerves instead of turning me on. That's not so bueno. I found myself wanting to be thrown around a bit more. This guy wasn't capable of pushing me hard, never mind throwing me. 

This has actually come up a couple of times lately, with a couple of different guys, one of whom I've had lots of fun with in the past. I find the idea of them boring instead of titillating.

Eh. Maybe I need to focus more on women.  

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