Hijinks WILL ensue...
I went out with a new-ish girlfriend for drinks and hijinks the other night. That, in and of itself, was interesting, because she's gay, and there weren't very clearly defined parameters of what we were doing going out for drinks. I treated it the way I would any other interaction with someone I found attractive but wasn't dating, and that seemed to work fine. We had a freaking blast. She's a HUGE character, and the two of us attracted some amazing energy. Plus, she's brilliant, emotive, and fun to talk to. Good times.
And then, about half way through the night, an ex lover texted me. He'd seen us in the bar and wanted to know if we wanted to hang out. We'd left by then, but I asked my friend if she felt like company, she was down with it, so I invited him to the place we were at. I was kind of leery, though happy to see him. The last time we'd hung out, it was awkward. There was no chemistry, he'd gained a bunch of weight and looked miserable, and I could tell he was just hoping to get laid. In fact, that's happened a lot when we've hung out. I've talked about this guy before. He's a good person, but he's got some serious issues with sex and dating. He's one of the only guys I've gone on a second + date with who could actually make me feel bad about myself for having had sex with them. But, I kept getting together with him, because I'm an idiot. Then I stopped being attracted to him, and I suddenly wasn't an idiot anymore.
Well, he shows up in a perfectly coiffed Portland beard, seeming very healthy and happy, wearing his lumberman jacket, and looking fucking hot. Bastard. But he gets along well with the friend I'm out with, we all end up having a great time, walking around downtown and meeting interesting people. He's being very physically affectionate the whole time, and I'm trying to foist him off on my friend, or the random drunk girls we're meeting. Because cute as I find him, I'm very aware of where this road leads now, and it ain't someplace I want to go anymore. He hasn't been drinking at all, in fact never drinks, so he offered to give us both a ride home. I made it clear that him giving us a ride home, while a very sweet thing to do, did not mean that he was going to get invited in anywhere. And he insisted anyways. So we drop my friend off, he drives me home, and shuts off the car. I laugh, and tell him again that it's not going to happen. We've tried this, we both like each other as friends, but the sex just doesn't work.
One relatively heavy makeout session later, I'm inside, he's gone, and I'm feeling both annoyed at myself and rather proud that I resisted. I have no idea why this person is both so attractive and so freaking unattractive to me. And that drives me a little nuts. People have clear boundaries in my world right now. Friend/not friend, lover/not lover. Lover/friend works very well, but this guy doesn't treat me like a friend. He SAYS he wants to, and I believe him. He's lonely, he genuinely likes me as a human being, we should be able to hang out and just have fun. But he can't fucking do that. He treats me like an object most of the time, because he really, really wants to get laid and can't separate that fact from his enjoyment of my company. It's like hanging out with a 14 year old. A 14 year old with guilt issues.
I'm going to give him one more chance for social interaction. I'll invite him over when I'm having other friends over, and give him a chance to get to know the people I know. He needs the social interaction anyways. I texted him the next day, after he texted asking when we could get together again, and let him know that the sex clouds our ability to be friends. That I'm still not looking for a relationship, and that he really seems to want a girlfriend. That the sex most likely wasn't going to happen again (I should have been more clear and less wishywashy), but that I really would like to try and develop the friendship aspect of our relationship. He said sure. We shall see if that was just face saving on his part.
And then, about half way through the night, an ex lover texted me. He'd seen us in the bar and wanted to know if we wanted to hang out. We'd left by then, but I asked my friend if she felt like company, she was down with it, so I invited him to the place we were at. I was kind of leery, though happy to see him. The last time we'd hung out, it was awkward. There was no chemistry, he'd gained a bunch of weight and looked miserable, and I could tell he was just hoping to get laid. In fact, that's happened a lot when we've hung out. I've talked about this guy before. He's a good person, but he's got some serious issues with sex and dating. He's one of the only guys I've gone on a second + date with who could actually make me feel bad about myself for having had sex with them. But, I kept getting together with him, because I'm an idiot. Then I stopped being attracted to him, and I suddenly wasn't an idiot anymore.
Well, he shows up in a perfectly coiffed Portland beard, seeming very healthy and happy, wearing his lumberman jacket, and looking fucking hot. Bastard. But he gets along well with the friend I'm out with, we all end up having a great time, walking around downtown and meeting interesting people. He's being very physically affectionate the whole time, and I'm trying to foist him off on my friend, or the random drunk girls we're meeting. Because cute as I find him, I'm very aware of where this road leads now, and it ain't someplace I want to go anymore. He hasn't been drinking at all, in fact never drinks, so he offered to give us both a ride home. I made it clear that him giving us a ride home, while a very sweet thing to do, did not mean that he was going to get invited in anywhere. And he insisted anyways. So we drop my friend off, he drives me home, and shuts off the car. I laugh, and tell him again that it's not going to happen. We've tried this, we both like each other as friends, but the sex just doesn't work.
One relatively heavy makeout session later, I'm inside, he's gone, and I'm feeling both annoyed at myself and rather proud that I resisted. I have no idea why this person is both so attractive and so freaking unattractive to me. And that drives me a little nuts. People have clear boundaries in my world right now. Friend/not friend, lover/not lover. Lover/friend works very well, but this guy doesn't treat me like a friend. He SAYS he wants to, and I believe him. He's lonely, he genuinely likes me as a human being, we should be able to hang out and just have fun. But he can't fucking do that. He treats me like an object most of the time, because he really, really wants to get laid and can't separate that fact from his enjoyment of my company. It's like hanging out with a 14 year old. A 14 year old with guilt issues.
I'm going to give him one more chance for social interaction. I'll invite him over when I'm having other friends over, and give him a chance to get to know the people I know. He needs the social interaction anyways. I texted him the next day, after he texted asking when we could get together again, and let him know that the sex clouds our ability to be friends. That I'm still not looking for a relationship, and that he really seems to want a girlfriend. That the sex most likely wasn't going to happen again (I should have been more clear and less wishywashy), but that I really would like to try and develop the friendship aspect of our relationship. He said sure. We shall see if that was just face saving on his part.
Comments
Post a Comment