Sore, and content

I'm sitting on my stripped bed, waiting to put my sheets in the dryer, not having gotten dressed for the day yet, wearing a baby blue button up shirt that doesn't belong to me, and eating mint ice cream. It's getting dark out, slowly, and is alternating between a gentle rain and a vivid sunshine. My cat is staring at me out of the corner of her eyes, willing me to drop some ice cream on the floor, or hurry up and finish so she can lick the bowl. I can almost feel the heat of her sheer determination making my hand waver as the spoon wobbles its way to my mouth with another luscious mouthful of creamy, minty goodness. Ha! NO ICE CREAM FOR YOU, MANIPULATIVE CREATURE!!

I'm sore. Sore, and tired, and happy. My limbs are a bit shaky, and my mind is a bit lost. What is it about the struggle that is so sexy? I surely do love wrestling, and while winning is nice, losing has become better.
There's a part of me that's made nervous by that fact. I never want to make losing a way of life. But there's something so satisfying about giving in, laughing hysterically, but only because you have to. And you made them work hard for it. I know that a part of it is the breathing in heavy, syncopated rhythm, the slide of sweat slickened skin against skin, the furious bursts of strength that strain muscles against muscles, and the combination of laughter and sheer, feral anger.

And then part of it is the letting loose. Letting go, and letting yourself fall into the chasm. The knowledge that you might not have gone there if you hadn't been pushed, but stretching your limbs into a dive and reveling in the skin tingling rush anyways.

I contrast it to the slow, sweet, simple rush of waking up, turning over, and sliding onto and into that familiar pleasure. And they're such different creatures, fulfill such different needs. One isn't better than the other, and one isn't worse. I have to remind myself it's ok to let lose the hounds of sexuality, to roar and fight and win or lose. That it's all right to act the barbarian every now and then. :D

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