What I want; an update

Ok. I need to get this down while I still want it. Because this shit keeps coming back to me, keeps popping up as dreams and hopes and wished for reality. But then I get distracted, and my reality changes, and I don't want it anymore.

So, what I want out of life, what I want my life to be. Soon.

First, I still want country. I want beauty, and trees, and greenery.
Specifically, I want land. With a small river, big stream, running through it.
I want a willow tree.
I want hummocks of heavy rooted grass to trip over in spring time.
I want marshy land that attracts ridiculous amounts of birds.
I want a sunny kitchen, that looks out over a green lawn.
I want a wild garden, with little spots of sanctuary in amongst beautiful chaos.
I want the smell of earth, and green things, and wind that's traveled over water, to come wafting into my window in the morning.
I want a red barn that I can look at and tsk at myself for allowing to start to crumble.
I want a simple house, with no ghosts to remind me of its past.
I want yellow checkered curtains.
I want a library that puts me to sleep.
I want windows that open to fall, that let in little drifts of falling leaves.
I want a life that belongs to me, a life that I can share without fear of having to give it back.